Kibitzing with the Bickersons

by May 9, 2020Turner Tales0 comments

It was the usual summer weekday afternoon at the Hespeler Legion, slow and quiet, before the rush of members who drop in after work. Being on holidays, I had dropped by for a golden mug of my favorite lager. A quartet of seniors was busy chasing the white ball around the snooker table and I had the long members BS table to myself.

I had hardly “wet my whistle” before Bert entered, followed closely by Maureen. Maureen joined me across the table while Bert stopped at the bar to pick up their drinks. Bert had spent his early career in sales while Maureen, a homemaker, raised their large family. They were a wonderful retired couple who loved each other dearly, but Maureen was a feisty Irish lady and Bert had a sharp sense of humour. At times they reminded me of “The Bickersons”, a late 1940s radio program starring Don Ameche and Frances Langford, who spent nearly all their time together in relentless verbal warfare.

Bert made his way to the table with a drinkface slap of golden elixir in each hand to take his seat next to Maureen. The last time I had talked to Bert he had been by himself, so I innocently congratulated him for his wife along. His response; “I had to bring her, she’s too ugly to kiss goodbye!” …….. and then the fight began!